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Top Self Defense Tools For The Apocalypse

Game TrailersE3 2011Attack This

This video from AOTS shows a couple of so called ‘top self defense tools’ in case of a zombie apocalypse. I’m going to totally debunk them both, since I’m a huge fan of zombie fiction, and I can easily tell using either of these will only end you up as undead chow. I’d also like to add that the video starts by mentioning the only way to stop a zombie is by decapitating it. That only separates the still-biting head from the body. Destroying the brain is the only guaranteed method. Fanboy moment over, onto ripping on some products!

Axe Maker Kit – bestmadeco.com: A do-it-yourself ax valued at $140? I’ll pass. Even with two handles made of American hickory, a hand-forged ax blade, and a shaver, that’s a bit too much for something I’ll just repeatedly bury into the undead. I’d rather pick up an ax at the store ($30, easily found for less or more) or even a crowbar (again $30, easily found for less or more). At least with the later I have an effective melee weapon and a tool for opening whatever barriers I may find.

Card Sharp – iainsinclair.com : It folds up to look just like a credit card? Seems more like an altercation with a TSA agent waiting to happen than an effective anti-zombie device. Actually, killing a zombie TSA agent with this would offer what I imagine to be some form of poetic justice. But I digress, if you need a zombie-fighting blade, go for a machete, or a shaolin spade, if you can find it. This is just too small to cause any noticeable damage to the undead hoard. After all, the whole concept is to destroy the brain, not cut away at them.

Long story short: these are horrible options. In case of a zombie attack, go with something else. After all, your life may depend on it.

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3 Responses to “Top Self Defense Tools For The Apocalypse”

  1. Rembrandt says:

    Doesn’t sound like they really gave a crap about what they were talking about. I would NEVER use the card sharp for anything, let alone combat. And anyone ever try decapitation with an axe head? Not the easiest thing to do:P

  2. […] totally impressed with the CardSharp by Iain Sinclair. Granted, that was in the context of its use against zombies, but even without this handicap I’m still not gaga about it. However, it’s not the only […]

  3. […] while ago I wrote about the CardSharp, a knife by Iain Sinclair that folds into a credit card shape, hence the name. This year, Iain […]